Isn’t it the hardest sometimes? Accepting ourselves? As the Internet might appropriately say, such judgment, much hurt. From the onset of life, we’re placed these into categories we never asked to be and are always making maneuvers to fight past them. What we’re constantly fighting for is understanding from others; what we’re really wanting to know is if we are acceptable as humans, and, like animals, we long to know if the scent of our own being can be pleasant to ourselves and the space we inhabit.
And I confess I’m a lot like you, too, fellow scent follower.
If I had to guess, most of the people that know me would probably say I exude something of self confidence and sincere bravery. They might even say I’m strong (which we all know is just a compliment of comparison anyway). Don’t get me wrong–I also admire my willingness to take complete risks sometimes and really put myself out there. But as I follow this scent around, I’m learning one can admire something about themselves without actually accepting it within themselves.
Like you, fellow human, I have a hard time allowing myself to be happy with my personality–all my quirks and traits. I’m kind of a really weird person and it doesn’t take long to realize this about me. Like everyone else, though, at the end of the day I still hear a siren song enticing me to fit in, to be normal, to be acceptable.
What I wouldn’t give for people to quit telling me things like, “You’re a hipster for being the way you are,””You’re ordained by God to make sure others feel that they can use your gentleness and calmness as opiates,”and my personal favorite, “Why are you so quiet? It’s always the quiet ones. Why won’t you talk to me? Why won’t you participate? Are you just nervous?”
It hurts to not fit in, plain and simple. More than anything, it hurts to be ignored and/or misunderstood because, in my case, you’re quiet, introverted, soft spoken, gentle, calm, curious and silently contemplating, actually nerdy, a tomboy, a listener more than a speaker, and believe way outside the box of written beliefs. You and me are different, dear human, and will we ever truly be happy about this?
(Here’s a small, parenthetical thought: Maybe all those people that ask the weird, intrusive, assuming questions are just afraid–afraid that we’ll confirm some deep longing they’ve had inside themselves to be different like us, too. That would put them on the outskirts with all us misfits and wouldn’t that be ever too socially unacceptable?)
My answer: YES! Absolutely yes, you can find happiness in being your full, totally weird self! The key is to discover what deeply makes you really you. Identify the desire behind what you like and what you do. And articulate to yourself why the haters are wrong.
For example, I say to the judgers of Martina, NO, I’m not going to give away my personality because God told you I should, or you think it’s appropriate to take advantage of my calmness. I JUST LIKE TO BE STILL AND KNOW THAT THINGS ARE GOOD. It’s like catching the wind on your face, or peering at the horizon over a beautiful ocean.
No, hater, I’m not just hip with the trend. I’M EXPLORING CAUSE I’M AN EXPLORER AND IT’S NATURAL TO EXPLORE. Sometimes, yes, I like to explore what everyone else is into at the moment to check out all the hubbub. But I also just like wearing clothes, listening to music, doing nerdy stuff, and putting a beanie on my head when I’m too lazy to wash my hair.
And for Pete’s sake, no, you fool, I’m not quiet because of you. I’M QUIET BECAUSE OF ME, BECAUSE IT’S MY PERSONALITY. I don’t want to participate when I just want to listen. I don’t want to hear what small talk you have to tell me when I’m contemplating the nature of our existence and enjoying being silent in this very moment. Life is beautiful and I want to hear what it has to say over the noise of everyday.
When you can find the beauty of who you are like this, you can find the harmony in who you are. Your valuable self awareness is the last piece needed to make peace with yourself. Go forth and enjoy the pleasant scent of who you are, you wonderful human you.